Texts From Your Ex
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Texts From Your Ex
a lesson on the usefulness of Venus retrograde
substack #24
Hi, I’m Bianca. Queer - Mixed - Second Gen - Muslim(ish) - Artist, Professor, & Creative Director/Strategist living in Los Angeles. If you’re new here or a reminder could help, this newsletter began as an exploration of figuring shit out, one day at a time. If you look forward to these newsletters and want to support my ongoing work you can upgrade to a paid subscription.
Things helping me figure shit out:
Venus, the planet of love, desire, and beauty, is officially in retrograde! 40 days of texts from your ex! breakups! communication break downs!
What’s a retrograde?
Astrologers believe retrograde, when a planet appears to move backward in its orbit, dampens the shine of the planet and the realm it rules. So Venus Retrograde is often a time when we see relationships fall apart (break-ups) or previous ones try and creep back in - * cue that I miss you text*.
Venus Retrograde happens every eight years or so. So think back to 2015, are you moving any differently?
I’ve heard that retrogrades can signal a time for turning-in. So, instead of seeing the next 40 days as a time of upending, we might see this Venus Retrograde as an opportunity to more mindfully practice the patience and compassion (with both ourselves and others) to integrate lessons we’ve learned since 2015. When Venus slows down, you have a chance to reassess your values around love, relationships, and romance and be more deliberate about your decisions.
When that text comes, what will you actually do?
Just because we know that something is wrong (also, no judgement if texting with your ex is right for you - do you boo) for us doesn't mean we automatically move differently. I’ve mentioned before that ketamine therapy taught me that new awareness doesn’t equal changed actions. Integrating lessons and new behaviors doesn’t happen over night.
Why do we still entertain things that may not be a fit for us anymore?
The process of letting go of the familiar habits, dynamics, and relationships can be uncomfortable, and honestly, even a little ugly at times. Letting go of what we know requires courage, but also faith that we will create new (and inshallah, better) tools, relationships, and dynamics.
You can’t stop your ex from texting you this retrograde, but you can gift yourself the grace to slow down long enough to respond, not react, in a way that aligns with your values. What do you want to do differently? What do you want to keep doing?
Also, if you end up being messier than you planned this retrograde season, thats ok too. Growth can happen when we lean into uncomfortable and imperfect moments. And as I mentioned earlier it takes courage and faith to try and move beyond what we’ve known.
See you next week 💖
Bianca
** Astrology is fun way to reflect and relate to one another, especially for queer folks in the US. ‘For the South Asian diaspora and numerous other communities of color, astrology is deeply interwoven in the social and spiritual fabric of life. While it is often looked at as a pseudoscience in the Western world, the East has a deep history with using astrology for a plethora of different things.’ So, if astrology isn’t your thing thats ok, but as Tabitha Brown says “Have a good day and if you can't, don't you dare go messing up nobody else's” **
Thank you and welcome to all the new subscribers! 💖 Special thank you to Khary, who upgraded to a paid subscription with an encouraging note. I read and appreciate every comment ya’ll send. 💖
Weekly Resource
The Asian Psychedelic Collective is a volunteer led space of belonging for Asians working with psychedelics, created out of a desire for culturally-specific connection that we have not found in larger psychedelic spaces.
I need more time to sit and write about the last year of psychedelic treatments but here’s a quick how / why ketamine.
Quick Ketamine 101
When used therapeutically ketamine acts like a blanket of fresh snow for the brain. It increases BDNF (brain-derived neurotrophic factor - a protein that promotes growth) and decreases activity in our DMN (our brains default mode network - the area that sustains our everyday negative, ruminating thought patterns). This fresh snow fills in those preexisting trails of thought and habit and makes it a little easier to forge new paths. But using those new pathways takes practice. The ketamine induced snowfall is a window of neuro plasticity, a time for you to break old thought patterns and build new ones. However, a lot of the transformational work starts after the drugs wear off. Integration is the process of turning that awareness you might have found during your session into some form of change in your life.
What I’m listening to
For making dinner / Saida when she’s home alone